Coffee with God by Gail Spence
It’s now 100 days plus, and counting. I’d like to say that I have been spending lots of time having ‘coffee with God’ during the day while in lockdown: just to sit and chat over things that are happening and how I am feeling, but the truth is I’ve not. Things seem to become more difficult as time goes on and I think, like a lot of people, the strain is showing. I thought I was coping - some days I do - and things are good, but some days things just fall apart. So for everyone out there who feels a bit lost, afraid, depressed, uncertain, or anxious about things, you are not alone; there are a lot of others out there feeling the same, and each person will deal with things in different ways. As I said last time, I try to keep busy, but there are days when, no matter what I do, nothing helps. It’s difficult to explain but let me try.
We all know what happens when a bottle or can of fizzy drink is shaken up then opened: the pressure inside just erupts into a shower of liquid that goes everywhere. Sometimes when you open a bottle you can control the eruption, and for me that’s how it feels. Some days things just start building up, fizzing under the surface - and it might only take the smallest of things to set off that ‘eruption’ into floods of tears. It sounds dramatic but for some people that’s how it feels, followed by nothing…… an emptiness - just like the empty bottle or can - not a lot left afterwards to keep you going. It’s difficult to go through and difficult to watch, not knowing what to do. Should you just be there for them, or do you say “Right, come on let’s do something”? What works for one person will not work for someone else, it’s a fine balance.
Someone asked me the other day “How are you with God?” and my reply was “Oh I’m ok”, but thinking about it now I’m not so sure. Sometimes I think the question should be, “How is God with you?”, and I would have to answer “I don’t know”, but I got my answer quite quickly. Before I carry on let me put you in the picture.
My son was in my living room on a ‘Zoom’ conference with his work so I was sitting in the conservatory looking out at my overgrown garden with the odd pot of flowers (I should have been sorting out some of my craft things!) It was raining so the pattering of the rain falling on the roof was at times a bit loud, so I thought I would cover it up the best I could with some music (good old Youtube!). Matthew West, a Christian singer/songwriter I sometimes listen to, was singing. I never even looked at what the song was - I just pressed ‘Start’ and there was the answer to the question ‘how is God with me?’. I wish I could have found it weeks ago. I know over the last few months I have not been good mentally or physically, but I think this song just summed it up for me, and perhaps for a lot of other people at the moment - all the negative feelings and struggles we are going through.
So as I leave you with the words to the song, I pray God will give us all peace in body, mind, and spirit, in this difficult uncertain world.
God Bless,
Gail
Matthew West ‘The God who stays.’
If I were You I would've given up on me by now,
I would've labelled me a lost cause
'Cause I feel just like a lost cause.
If I were You I would've turned around and walked away,
I would've labelled me beyond repair,
'Cause I feel like I'm beyond repair.
Oh, but somehow You don't see me like I do,
Somehow You're still here…..
You're the God who stays,
You're the God who stays,
You're the One who runs in my direction
When the whole world walks away.
You're the God who stands
With wide open arms,
And You tell me nothing I have ever done can separate my heart
From the God who stays.
I used to hide
Every time I thought I let You down.
I always thought I had to earn my way
But I'm learning You don't work that way, no
'Cause somehow You don't see me like I do,
Somehow You're still here.
